Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Jacked Up Games

Whilst we do not endorse the use of performance enhancing drugs in sport, there seems to be a new story each and every week about a new athlete that's been caught, and tested positive for drug use.  Cycling is particularly tarnished with the reputation of drugs, and I believe it's a cyclist that has failed the first drugs test of the Olympics this year.  Some of the tales I've heard about the lengths these people will go to to produce a 'clean' sample are quite disgusting, and sound rather painful, but why would you do it - if you're not the best in the World, you're not the best, simple.  If you become the best in the world by taking drugs - cheating - you still are not the best in the world, thicko!

OK, so enough of that, now with the Olympics going on, it made me wonder whether the power of illegal performance enhancing, or otherwise, drugs could be harnessed into a new event, the Jacked Up Games.

The jacked up games would mirror the events of the Olympics, with one key difference - there will be mandatory drug testing for all competitors to make sure they are hecked up on goofballs on something or other.  Imagine an event where everyone could openly discuss and develop performance enhancing drug cocktails, just for the sheer hell of it - the jacked up games would show exactly what could be done - 100m in 5 seconds, triple jumping 200 yards etc..

The beauty of this is that it could be rolled out to other events, pissed formula one, acid skydiving, and so on

What do you think, could this be done, what events would you want to see, is anyone any good with photoshop?

Don't try this at home, drugs are wrong, just say no!

Friday, August 01, 2008

I hate Insurance Companies!

I really have a problem with the way insurance companies deal with their customers.  Like dirt!  I have just got off the phone with my current insurance company, to enquire about what I thought was a mistake in my renewal letter.  It turns out it was not a mistake, it is a piss take!

Having had buildings & contents with this particular company for the last 2 years, and an unfortunate claim for a small fire in year 1, year 2 premiums went up by 100%.  Frustrating, very.  Understandable, I guess.  No choice but to suck it up and get on with it, as other insurance companies would not compete at that time.

Year 2 goes swimmingly, in that there were no claims, and the only change to the policy was the addition of an engagement ring (woo!), as it was over the threshold for an individual item, this added an additional 25% to our premium, which again is understandable due to it being worn all the time.

However, coming up for year 3 renewal, I receive a letter saying the premium is rising by 113%.  Yes you did read that correctly, they have AGAIN doubled, and then some, my premium.  The c****!

At this stage, I do not want to name names, as I will be writing to voice my displeasure to the CEO of this particular company, and how they expect customers to bend over and take what they dictate....customer retention does not take the form of consistent 100% increases in price, once I can understand, second time around, they are taking the piss!

To put this in context, I suspect I could insure myself on a ferrari for less.


Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Have you got a dirty mind...?!

A selection of double entendres for you below....

HERE is Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie
Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open:
"Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it
by himself."

MIKE Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports:
"Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

JACK Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards' tyres on World Superbikes:
"Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wished he had a
hard on now."

HERE is Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith
Keppel on This Morning:
"She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last night."

WINNING Post's Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's
formidable lead :
"Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees."

ROSS King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond:
"Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."

DURING the 1989 British Masters golf tournament, commentator Richie
Benaud observed:
"Notices are appearing at courses telling golfers not to lick their
balls on the green."

CRICKETER Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire
match,inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe:
"With his lovely soft hands he just tossed it off."

CLAIR Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said:
"There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."

JAMES Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked:
"What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"

STEVE Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better
today after a 69."

THE new stand at Doncaster race course took Brough Scott's breath away.
"My word," he said. "Look at that magnificent erection."

WILLIE Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big
race when he said:
"They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from
different positions."

STEVE Leonard, talking about vegetation on Vets In The Wild, told Trude:
"There's something big growing between my legs."

CARENZA Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live said:
"You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

Monday, July 21, 2008

50 rules to live by...

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over-prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

45. The best is yet to come.

46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

48. If you don't ask, you don't get.

49. Yield.

50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.


Friday, July 18, 2008

Your Age By Eating Out...

Don't tell me your age (ok, so you are somewhere in the world behind a computer screen anyway, but go with it!);
you probably would tell a falsehood anyway-but your waiter may know!


This is pretty neat.


It takes less than a minute. Work this
out as you read ... use a calculator if you need ;-)

Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!

This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to go out to eat.
(more than once but less than 10)

2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)

3. Add 5

4. Multiply it by 50

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1758...

If you haven't, add 1757.

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

You should have a three digit number.

The first digit of this was your original number. (I.e., How many times you want to go out to restaurants in a week.)

The next two numbers are

YOUR AGE ! ------ (Oh YES, it is!!!)

Forward this to all your friends for good luck, or $$$$ trillions of lost Nigerian cashola..!


Friday, July 04, 2008

American Guide to Britain

The Brits have peculiar words for many things. Money is referred to as "goolies" in slang, so you should for instance say "I'd love to come to the pub but I haven't got any goolies". "Quid" is the modern word for what was once called a "shilling" - the equivalent of seventeen cents American.

If you are fond of someone, you should tell him he is a "great tosser" he will be touched. The English are a notoriously tactile, demonstrative people, and if you want to fit in you should hold hands with your acquaintances and tossers when you walk down the street.

Since their Labour government whole heartedly embraced full union with Europe the Brits have been attempting to adopt certain continental customs, such as the large midday meal followed by a two or three hour siesta, which they call a "w*nk". As this is still a fairly new practice in Britain, it is not uncommon for people to oversleep (alarm clocks, alas, do not work there due to the magnetic pull from Greenwich). If you are late for supper, simply apologise and explain that you were having a w*nk - everyone will understand and forgive you.

One of the most delightful ways to spend an afternoon in Oxford or Cambridge is gliding gently down the river in one of their flat-bottomed boats, which you propel using a long pole. This is known as "cottaging". Many of the boats (called "yer-i-nals") are privately owned by the colleges, but there are some places that rent them to the public by the hour. Just tell a professor or policeman that you are interested in doing some cottaging and would like to know where the public yerinals are. The poles must be treated with vegetable oil to protect them from the water, so it's a good idea to buy a can of Mazola and have it on you when you ask directions to the yerinals. That way people will know you are an experienced cottager.

British cuisine enjoys a well deserved reputation as the most sublime gastronomic pleasure available to man. Thanks to today's robust dollar, the American traveller can easily afford to dine out several times a week (rest assured that a British meal is worth interrupting your afternoon w*nk for).

Few foreigners are aware that there are several grades of meat in the UK. The best cuts of meat, like the best bottles of gin, bear Her Majesty's seal, called the British Stamp of Excellence (BSE).

When you go to a fine restaurant, tell your waiter you want BSE beef and won't settle for anything less. If he balks at your request, custom dictates that you jerk your head imperiously back and forth while rolling your eyes to show him who is boss. Once the waiter realises you are a person of discriminating taste, he may offer to let you peruse the restaurant's list of exquisite British wines. If he does not, you should order one anyway.

The best wine grapes grow on the steep, chalky hillsides of Yorkshire and East Anglia - try an Ely '84 or Ripon '88 for a rare treat indeed. When the bill for your meal comes it will show a suggested amount. Pay whatever you think is fair, unless you plan to dine there again, in which case you should simply walk out; the restaurant host will understand that he should run a tab for you.

Public taxis are subsidized by the Her Majesty's Government. A taxi ride in London costs two pounds, no matter how far you travel. If a taxi driver tries to overcharge you, you should yell "I think not, you charlatan!", then grab the nearest policeman (bobby) and have the driver disciplined.

It is rarely necessary to take a taxi, though, since bus drivers are required to make detours at 'patrons' requests. Just board any bus, pay your fare of thruppence (the heavy gold-coloured coins are "pence"), and state your destination clearly to the driver, e.g.: Please take me to the British Library." A driver will frequently try to have a bit of harmless fun by pretending he doesn't go to your requested destination. Ignore him, as he is only teasing the American tourist (little does he know you're not so ignorant!). For those travelling on a shoestring budget, the London Tube may be the most economical way to get about, especially if you are a woman.

Chivalry is alive and well in Britain, and ladies still travel free on the Tube. Simply take some tokens from the baskets at the base of the escalators or on the platforms; you will find one near any of the state-sponsored Tube musicians.

Once on the platform, though, beware! Approaching trains sometimes disturb the large Gappe bats that roost in the tunnels. The Gappes were smuggled into London in the early 19th century by French saboteurs and have proved impossible to exterminate. The announcement "Mind the Gappe!" is a signal that you should grab your hair and look towards the ceiling. Very few people have ever been killed by Gappes, though, and they are considered only a minor drawback to an otherwise excellent means of transportation.

One final note: for preferential treatment when you arrive at Heathrow airport, announce that you are a member of Shin Fane (an international Jewish peace organization-the "shin" stands for "shalom"). As savvy travellers know, this little white lie will assure you priority treatment as you make your way through customs. Safe travels and Bon Voyage!

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Life changes

Right, back from another holiday to the mundane monotony of everyday working life in London.  How depressing!

I always enjoy going on holiday, and this time was no different, although the holiday was different than other holidays I've been on in the last few years, I had a good break, and it is always good to be away from work.  Getting back is always a depressing time, but one which gives renewed hopes of making a difference in my life.

I'm a fantastic procrastinator - olympic standard I reckon, always with ideas, ideas, ideas, and a great belief in them, for about 3 days, before work takes over, and I seem to have no time for anything other than that.  Getting back from a break is a good time to think about things, and how to change.

Living and working in London is a real downer at times, I work hard, and I work longer hours than I probably would if I worked outside of London - with spending any time with my fiance, and a minimal amount of time on myself (gym!), I have to sleep - I want to better myself and get paid more, either by working for myself, or until I am financially secure, looking at other opportunities out there. 

I like what I do, and the company that I work for, with the exception of a couple of things, one of which everyone probably thinks in their job - I am not paid enough.  I work in a position which has accountability and responsibility, and do not feel at all valued within the working environment.  It's always difficult getting back into things, but having had some time to think and digest over the last few weeks, I know there are going to be some changes heading my way in the next little while - whether that will be a huge pay rise and bonus in my existing job, or aa new job (obviously involving a huge payrise), remains to be seen - but for once, all the headhunters that have called will be getting a call back!

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

The Bitch

OK, so a strong title, you may think.  I somehow thought of the past this morning, and for the first time in about 3 years, an old frustration got me annoyed.  Without going into too much detail, I used to own a flat with an ex-girlfriend, which I paid for completely, for 80% of the time we were in it, and the entire deposit etc, whilst she didn't work, or do anything at home.  When we split, it took 6 months to get away from it, and in the end cost me several thousands of pounds, as she was a money grabbing whore, with no self respect, decency or common sense.

So anyway, I thought of this as it is now impacting the way in which I live, as I now have debts to clear - which should not have been with me.  Anyway, I digress.

I've just read a report that West Ham fielded the most English players in a team, on average, last season in the premiership.  As a West Ham fan, this is good, however I have to ask why, with all the noise about English players, quality of football in this country etc, do West Ham only have 1 representative in the national team?  OK, so Dean Ashton is the sole West Ham player in the squad (why is Rob Green not in?!), and he may not even be a West Ham player for much longer anyway.  West Ham got some cash backing 18 months ago or so, and then went on a spending spree.  Far gone were the days of Happy Harry wheeling and dealing, Pards and Curbs were in the market to buy the best, buying almost exclusively from the English market, with the new found wealth.

So whilst it's been good to get players who people know what they can do, these players have been more than happy to sit back and count the cash.  Kieron Dyer, when asked by the Sunday times, what the most lucrative work he had ever done was, guess the answer (link: Sunday Times Story).  He had played for several BIG football clubs, as well as England, yet the most lucrative thing he did was lift the pen to sign for West Ham - incidentally, after that he promptly broke his leg, and has cost us a fortune with 0 return since.

Dean Ashton cost a few bob, and has been unlucky with injury, Craig Bellamy, another high profile player in the Premiership, cost a bit, and has been an asset, when fit.  Freddie Ljundberg is a great example - mainstay of the Arsenal team for season after season, then when told he is surplus t orequirements, a quck move to the other side of London, and 1 season on West Ham are offering to subsidise his wages to get rid of him!

OK, so there is a vague sort of connection here.  In the way I feel I got bitchslapped by a whore, and have been out of pocket since, it feels as though West Ham have been well and truly taken for a ride - the British press do not help matters, but come on guys - look further afield than the Premiership.  Why do we think there are so many foreigners in the game over here - it is a great league, but look at the earnings potential, absolutely crazy!  I'd like 1 week of what some of the top players are on - it takes me 3 or 4 years to get this amount- I'm probably better at football as well (injury stopped my glittering career ;-)).

What do you think?!


Friday, April 18, 2008

Terror on the Tube - Are RMT terrorists?

It really makes me f*****g mad, reading about these absolute bully tactics used by old school trade unions in getting their own way.  I've just read  on the BBC website that the RMT have agreed a 48 hour strike on the Tube in London, in opposition to not having it in writing about the benefits of former metronet workers and their access to TFL pensions and benefits.  Fair enough, they don't have this, allegedly, in writing, and the staff deserve to be equals within comapny poicy, yes. Let's put this in context though...

I get pissed off with people at work for being imbecillic twats, who do not know their arse from their elbow, and cannot do their jobs for shit.  I want to be paid more, I don't want to work with them, fuck it, I only want to work 2 hours a week, flexitime, but I have a contract that I stick to - life is not all plain sailing.

Being a member of an archaic body like a trade union is nonsensical for those of us who aren't in there - I have no desire to ever be a member of a TU, and would never think it acceptable to not go to work and expect to get paid.  This is something that doesn't really bother me normally, I'm not going to go off on a huge campaign, but when things like this get in the media, I get fucked off because I do my job, I don't like it all the time, but I bloody well get up and do it everyday.  In my eyes, this move by the RMT is akin to a child throwing toys out of pram, and terrorism.  Are the RMT inciting terrorism - well, taken straight from dictionary.com, the below is what terrorism is defined as:

1.the use of violence and threats to intimidate or coerce, esp. for political purposes.
2.the state of fear and submission produced by terrorism or terrorization.
3.a terroristic method of governing or of resisting a government.

How does this differ from the terrorists we hear about in the news everyday - they have weapons, yes, but the underlying issues of using threats to intimidate someone into doing something is not right at any time.  Terrorism is wrong, watch the news and this will be blatently clear - call it a strike and you're fine  though it seems? So what exactly is the difference between terrorism and a strike, sorry 'industrial action'?

Another sign of this country being far too soft - get a grip government, tell these wankers where to stick their strikes, change the law so they have no rights to supercede employment legislation that everyone works with.  We cannot have one rule for some, and another for others - we are one country, one nation with a set of laws, how do these idiots manage to ge away with this - and get paid (I'll wager handsomely!) for it as well?

Right, rant over for now, so I'm going to go home and take things easy for a while - oh no, of course I'm not, I have to work - if I don't work, I will more than likely be fired, sorry, let me just go and tell my HR department I'm going on strike, and see what they think of that...?!!! Fuckers!

Get your shopping at www.SantasNaughtyList.co.uk

Friday, March 14, 2008

Why are we here...?

On the first day, God created the dog and said:

'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in
or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'

The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten
years and I'll give you back the other ten?'

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give
you a twenty-year life span.'

The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years?
That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like
the Dog did?'

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said:

'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer
under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's
family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'

The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for
sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said:

'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you
twenty years.'

But man said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my
twenty,the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and
the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'

'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy
ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our
family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the
grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and
bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it
as a public service.

Get your shopping at www.SantasNaughtyList.co.uk

Friday, February 22, 2008


Gazza is in the news at the moment, it's really shocking that he doesn't seem to be getting the support he needs from the industry that gave him so much pleasure (that's football, and nothing else, right!)...a few gems below for you, classic Gazza-isms that we've found, remember though, this is a serious situation, and Gazza needs to get sorted with everyone's help, get the press off his back and let him get sorted...

1) One hour after playing for England, met 'showbiz pals' Danny Baker and Chris Evans in a Hampstead pub while still wearing his full kit boots included.

2) When asked for his nationality before an operation, told the nurse: "Church Of England."

3) On a trip to London, jumped out of his car to demand "a go" on a workman's pneumatic drill. After getting the go-ahead, happily pounded the pavement to the amusement of shoppers.

4) On first meeting with Lazio's president to discuss his big- money move to the Italian club, was quick to tell the esteemed gentleman that he reminded him of Russ Abbot.

5) Organisers of Italia 90 TV coverage had the splendid idea of augmenting team line-ups with footage of each player mouthing his own name. Gascoigne's genius led him to subvert the process by, instead, mouthing 'f***ing w***ker.' Broadcasters across the world had to use it all the way through the tournament.

6) Booked a series of sun-bed sessions for then-Newcastle team-mate Tony Cunningham. Who, of course, is black.

7) Asked by a Norwegian camera crew if he had a message for England's upcoming opponents, immediately responded with, "Yes. F**k off, Norway. Then ran off laughing.

8) When asked for a footballing comment while at Lazio, burped enthusiastically into a TV microphone. He was fined £39,000.

9) Decided it would be a great idea to have massive hair extensions. Looked a fool and had them taken out a day later.

10) After paying for ex-wife Sheryl's breasts implants, sent flowers to the hospital after the operation addressed to 'Dolly Parton.'

11) Astounded commuters in London by jumping on a double-decker in London's Piccadilly Circus and asking if he could have a drive. The bus driver said yes, and the passengers thoroughly enjoyed Gazza's impromptu performance.

12) Sent a rose to the Wimbledon dressing room for Vinnie Jones after the infamous ball-squeezing incident. Got a toilet brush in return.

13) Set up best mate Jimmy 'Five Bellies' Gardner with a 'girl' he knew to be a transvestite.

14) Has taken the piss out of refs constantly during his career. On one occasion he sniffed a hapless ref's armpit while he was holding his hand high to signal a free kick

15) While attempting to deflect the 'kebab controversy' which spelled the beginning of the end of his England career, assured reporters that his doner-munching antics following Middlesbrough's promotion to the Premiership would in no way affect his fitness before France 98. One reporter asked: "What do you feel like now?" Back came the inevitable response: "I fee l like a kebab with onions

16) Celebrated his new-found hero status after flying home from Italia 90 by wearing a huge pair of fake plastic boobs and stomach bearing the legend 'Gazza.'

17) On meeting the president of Denmark's FA, pretended he could speak Danish. When invited to demonstrate, imitated The Muppet Show's Swedish Chef.

18) Conned Five Bellies into eating a mince pie after he'd scraped out the filling and replaced it with cat excrement.

19) Walked into the Middlesbrough canteen wearing nothing but his training socks and ordered lunch.

20) Paid £320 for a Mars Bar in a newsagents in his home town of Dunston, then told the shop owner to spend the change on sweets for local kids.

21) Whilst dining in the prestigious Bedford Arms Hotel in Woburn with a few of his Geordie mates, decided to place his erect member on the shoulder of a diner at the next table. Thinking someone had tapped him on the shoulder the gentleman turned his head only to have Gazza's helmet prod him in the cheek.

22) Took a documentary team to a beautiful Scottish cottage which he informed them was his new place, pretended he'd forgotten his key and knocked instead. When the door opened, told the befuddled housewife inside that he was doing a telly advert and wanted to know if she preferred Daz or Omo.

23) Crashed Middlesbrough's team bus at the club's training ground and caused £310,000 worth of damage.

24) While at Rangers, urinated over sleeping team-mate Richard Gough.

25) Handed £1000 over to Jimmy Five Bellies after betting that the burly boozer couldn't withstand a cigarette lighter's heat on the bridge of his nose for five seconds. Jimmy could. Twice.

26) After briefly giving up drinking, was advised to find a new interest. Picked bingo.

27) Bought a £1000 robot and programmed it to travel into Jimmy Five Bellies' room at Gazza Towers and announce: "Make a cup of tea, fat man."

28) Was banned from Liverpool's Cream nightclub in advance within days of joining Everton last summer, because the Evertonians who ran the place wanted him to avoid temptation and stay fit

29) When Gazza signed for Spurs in 1988, he came down to finalise the deal with a bunch of his Geordie mates. They took over the posh hotel in Hadley Wood where Spurs were footing the bill and wreaked havoc. Gazza met then-chairman Irving Scholar and began talks by saying, "We'd like to thank you for the best three days of our lives."

30) Was asked to leave West Lodge Park Hotel in London after guests were treated to the sight of a naked Five Bellies swimming across the duck pond.

31) Recorded a video message for a corporate party and signed off with a cheery "Happy Christmas, you f*****g w*****s."

32) Greeted reporters in Rome by standing up, asking for silence, then farting at ear-splitting volume.

33) Told an interviewer that he was so superstitious about the number 13 that he couldn't ever bear to see the numbers 4 and 9 together. Oddly, the combination of 5 and 8 was deemed OK.

34) After being sent off while playing for Lazio, shook hands with virtually every member of the Genoa side.

35) While staying in a New Zealand hotel, was told there was no bacon for breakfast. Replied, "What, all the sheep in this country and there's no bloody bacon!"

Friday, February 08, 2008


D...I...S...C...what's the next letter?

No, it's not 'O', we're not here to party and have a good time, we're still here to bitch about sh1t!

So, back to the question, any thoughts?  If we said 'R', would you be able to finish the word?

OK, cut the rubbish, the word of the moment is DISCRIMINATION.

We've all heard this word thrown about in the past, but what is your take on it?  Have you seen discrimination in action, positive or negative discrimination?

Most areas of society now have laws relating to discrimination - think about it, you have to be treated equally whether you are fat or thin, old or young, tall or short, french or english, black or white, you get the idea!

I have recently found one area which appears to be free of all responsibility to human rights, discrimination, whilst we believe it should be covered.  Any guesses?

Air travel.

Simple, if you have ever been on a commercial plane, chances are you will have gotten to know the back of the chair in front of you intimately on your journey.  Seats in planes tend to have less room for people than cattle get when they are being transported.  There have been protests at how poorly cattle are treated in transit, and we want to know how airlines have been able to get away with treating people so badly for so long.

I have had bad experiences on planes, most frequent travelers probably have!  I'm above average height, not something I chose, although I like being tall - don't get me wrong, I'm not that tall - 6' 4" (190cm), but physically doing things in everyday life is seeming to be getting harder and harder.

The tube pisses me off, barely being able to stand on some trains, in the middle of the carriage, let alone in rush hour, trying to stand next to the curved doors, all whilst some ignoramous reads the f****** newspaper - but air travel is the real issue, as this is actually dangerous to health.

I have been lucky enough to be on a few long haul flights in the last 12 months or so, and have been basically satisfied with the service, there are certain compromises to be made, such as knowing you are either not going to be able to feel your feet through them being forced under the seat in front, or being run over by the trolley if they are in the aisle.  It used to be the case that you could get to the airport early enough and check in first, and ask nicely for the emergency exit seat to help a little with the legs.  This was normally met with a couple of questions to make sure that you would be able to help in the event of an accident - e.g. were you fit and of 'reasonable' strength, could you open the door in other words?  This is fair enough to ask, and I totally agree that the person or people sitting in these seats have a certain responsibility to other passengers.

This has all changed.  In the money grabbing, profit driven society we live in today, these seats are now for sale.  Fat, thin, old, young, as long as you have more cash, you can have these seats.  Is this showing that the airlines have really stopped caring about the passengers, as long as someone can stump up the cash they can have these seats - regardless of whether they would be able to open the door or not, although the airlines are obviously trying to help by ensuring their wallet is slightly thinner!

I'm bored of ranting now, but suffice to say the airlines get away with this all the time, so many companies do in one way or another, what do you think?  Who is on your list of poor companies in terms of customer services...?

All fuc*ing airlines!


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