Friday, February 22, 2008


Gazza is in the news at the moment, it's really shocking that he doesn't seem to be getting the support he needs from the industry that gave him so much pleasure (that's football, and nothing else, right!)...a few gems below for you, classic Gazza-isms that we've found, remember though, this is a serious situation, and Gazza needs to get sorted with everyone's help, get the press off his back and let him get sorted...

1) One hour after playing for England, met 'showbiz pals' Danny Baker and Chris Evans in a Hampstead pub while still wearing his full kit boots included.

2) When asked for his nationality before an operation, told the nurse: "Church Of England."

3) On a trip to London, jumped out of his car to demand "a go" on a workman's pneumatic drill. After getting the go-ahead, happily pounded the pavement to the amusement of shoppers.

4) On first meeting with Lazio's president to discuss his big- money move to the Italian club, was quick to tell the esteemed gentleman that he reminded him of Russ Abbot.

5) Organisers of Italia 90 TV coverage had the splendid idea of augmenting team line-ups with footage of each player mouthing his own name. Gascoigne's genius led him to subvert the process by, instead, mouthing 'f***ing w***ker.' Broadcasters across the world had to use it all the way through the tournament.

6) Booked a series of sun-bed sessions for then-Newcastle team-mate Tony Cunningham. Who, of course, is black.

7) Asked by a Norwegian camera crew if he had a message for England's upcoming opponents, immediately responded with, "Yes. F**k off, Norway. Then ran off laughing.

8) When asked for a footballing comment while at Lazio, burped enthusiastically into a TV microphone. He was fined £39,000.

9) Decided it would be a great idea to have massive hair extensions. Looked a fool and had them taken out a day later.

10) After paying for ex-wife Sheryl's breasts implants, sent flowers to the hospital after the operation addressed to 'Dolly Parton.'

11) Astounded commuters in London by jumping on a double-decker in London's Piccadilly Circus and asking if he could have a drive. The bus driver said yes, and the passengers thoroughly enjoyed Gazza's impromptu performance.

12) Sent a rose to the Wimbledon dressing room for Vinnie Jones after the infamous ball-squeezing incident. Got a toilet brush in return.

13) Set up best mate Jimmy 'Five Bellies' Gardner with a 'girl' he knew to be a transvestite.

14) Has taken the piss out of refs constantly during his career. On one occasion he sniffed a hapless ref's armpit while he was holding his hand high to signal a free kick

15) While attempting to deflect the 'kebab controversy' which spelled the beginning of the end of his England career, assured reporters that his doner-munching antics following Middlesbrough's promotion to the Premiership would in no way affect his fitness before France 98. One reporter asked: "What do you feel like now?" Back came the inevitable response: "I fee l like a kebab with onions

16) Celebrated his new-found hero status after flying home from Italia 90 by wearing a huge pair of fake plastic boobs and stomach bearing the legend 'Gazza.'

17) On meeting the president of Denmark's FA, pretended he could speak Danish. When invited to demonstrate, imitated The Muppet Show's Swedish Chef.

18) Conned Five Bellies into eating a mince pie after he'd scraped out the filling and replaced it with cat excrement.

19) Walked into the Middlesbrough canteen wearing nothing but his training socks and ordered lunch.

20) Paid £320 for a Mars Bar in a newsagents in his home town of Dunston, then told the shop owner to spend the change on sweets for local kids.

21) Whilst dining in the prestigious Bedford Arms Hotel in Woburn with a few of his Geordie mates, decided to place his erect member on the shoulder of a diner at the next table. Thinking someone had tapped him on the shoulder the gentleman turned his head only to have Gazza's helmet prod him in the cheek.

22) Took a documentary team to a beautiful Scottish cottage which he informed them was his new place, pretended he'd forgotten his key and knocked instead. When the door opened, told the befuddled housewife inside that he was doing a telly advert and wanted to know if she preferred Daz or Omo.

23) Crashed Middlesbrough's team bus at the club's training ground and caused £310,000 worth of damage.

24) While at Rangers, urinated over sleeping team-mate Richard Gough.

25) Handed £1000 over to Jimmy Five Bellies after betting that the burly boozer couldn't withstand a cigarette lighter's heat on the bridge of his nose for five seconds. Jimmy could. Twice.

26) After briefly giving up drinking, was advised to find a new interest. Picked bingo.

27) Bought a £1000 robot and programmed it to travel into Jimmy Five Bellies' room at Gazza Towers and announce: "Make a cup of tea, fat man."

28) Was banned from Liverpool's Cream nightclub in advance within days of joining Everton last summer, because the Evertonians who ran the place wanted him to avoid temptation and stay fit

29) When Gazza signed for Spurs in 1988, he came down to finalise the deal with a bunch of his Geordie mates. They took over the posh hotel in Hadley Wood where Spurs were footing the bill and wreaked havoc. Gazza met then-chairman Irving Scholar and began talks by saying, "We'd like to thank you for the best three days of our lives."

30) Was asked to leave West Lodge Park Hotel in London after guests were treated to the sight of a naked Five Bellies swimming across the duck pond.

31) Recorded a video message for a corporate party and signed off with a cheery "Happy Christmas, you f*****g w*****s."

32) Greeted reporters in Rome by standing up, asking for silence, then farting at ear-splitting volume.

33) Told an interviewer that he was so superstitious about the number 13 that he couldn't ever bear to see the numbers 4 and 9 together. Oddly, the combination of 5 and 8 was deemed OK.

34) After being sent off while playing for Lazio, shook hands with virtually every member of the Genoa side.

35) While staying in a New Zealand hotel, was told there was no bacon for breakfast. Replied, "What, all the sheep in this country and there's no bloody bacon!"

Friday, February 08, 2008


D...I...S...C...what's the next letter?

No, it's not 'O', we're not here to party and have a good time, we're still here to bitch about sh1t!

So, back to the question, any thoughts?  If we said 'R', would you be able to finish the word?

OK, cut the rubbish, the word of the moment is DISCRIMINATION.

We've all heard this word thrown about in the past, but what is your take on it?  Have you seen discrimination in action, positive or negative discrimination?

Most areas of society now have laws relating to discrimination - think about it, you have to be treated equally whether you are fat or thin, old or young, tall or short, french or english, black or white, you get the idea!

I have recently found one area which appears to be free of all responsibility to human rights, discrimination, whilst we believe it should be covered.  Any guesses?

Air travel.

Simple, if you have ever been on a commercial plane, chances are you will have gotten to know the back of the chair in front of you intimately on your journey.  Seats in planes tend to have less room for people than cattle get when they are being transported.  There have been protests at how poorly cattle are treated in transit, and we want to know how airlines have been able to get away with treating people so badly for so long.

I have had bad experiences on planes, most frequent travelers probably have!  I'm above average height, not something I chose, although I like being tall - don't get me wrong, I'm not that tall - 6' 4" (190cm), but physically doing things in everyday life is seeming to be getting harder and harder.

The tube pisses me off, barely being able to stand on some trains, in the middle of the carriage, let alone in rush hour, trying to stand next to the curved doors, all whilst some ignoramous reads the f****** newspaper - but air travel is the real issue, as this is actually dangerous to health.

I have been lucky enough to be on a few long haul flights in the last 12 months or so, and have been basically satisfied with the service, there are certain compromises to be made, such as knowing you are either not going to be able to feel your feet through them being forced under the seat in front, or being run over by the trolley if they are in the aisle.  It used to be the case that you could get to the airport early enough and check in first, and ask nicely for the emergency exit seat to help a little with the legs.  This was normally met with a couple of questions to make sure that you would be able to help in the event of an accident - e.g. were you fit and of 'reasonable' strength, could you open the door in other words?  This is fair enough to ask, and I totally agree that the person or people sitting in these seats have a certain responsibility to other passengers.

This has all changed.  In the money grabbing, profit driven society we live in today, these seats are now for sale.  Fat, thin, old, young, as long as you have more cash, you can have these seats.  Is this showing that the airlines have really stopped caring about the passengers, as long as someone can stump up the cash they can have these seats - regardless of whether they would be able to open the door or not, although the airlines are obviously trying to help by ensuring their wallet is slightly thinner!

I'm bored of ranting now, but suffice to say the airlines get away with this all the time, so many companies do in one way or another, what do you think?  Who is on your list of poor companies in terms of customer services...?

All fuc*ing airlines!

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